If you're familiar with my material you know that I generally think dating is counter-productive.

Of course people have their idea of what mainstream dating is because it's mainstream. So it's what most couples do and lots of profit is made for other people.

They'll go out for an expensive dinner or a movie. The women don't mind because the guy almost always (expectedly) pays for the dinner.

And then there's always the awkward ending if he drops her off where he might get a hug or peck on the cheek wondering how well he did throughout the date.

What went wrong? Speaking generally, it's up to the man to decide and lead the date on where they are going to be. Accepting an expensive restaurant means he's going to be essentially trading her attention with dollars.

I'm not saying that guys have to be 'cheap' but when you look at the other factors involved in traditional dating, it is conveying all kinds of ineffective messages.

The guy is usually most interested in a physical relationship and he's going about it the wrong way.

The women don't want as much social pressure but they'll put up with whatever the environment is, often for a free meal. With 'Sex & The City' (which is more of a fantasy for independent women), women want to have fun.

They want to get to know a guy casually and take it from there.

When a guy shows up with flowers at the door and takes her to a nice restaurant, it's what society tells her is right but it's not what her heart says.

Even if he's a great guy, he feels he's walking on eggshells because he's fighting against the leverage of social expectation.

Instead of being comfortable in himself he's brought in a relational metaframe which is speaking much more loudly to her than he is (he's too interested and probably 'wants' something).

There's too much damn pressure. She feels like he's going to 'expect' something in return for paying for her time and attention with a meal and gifts.

Not to mention that he is showing interest in her like they're almost engaged when they're just only getting to know each other. This 'courtship' approach appeals to the conditioned social expectation of a woman and her material desires but it rarely leads to attraction or sex.

It's extremely boring for her and there's way too much pressure.

He's coming on WAY too strong and it's not what he wants to do either. They're both stuck upholding society's antiquated tradition of 'courtship (dating)' which used to work when we had more traditional dynamics.

So what's the solution? Take money and long-term relationship expectation or pressure out of the equation so that you can focus on what's important; the two of you and casually getting to know each other.

What I usually do is just meet them at Starbucks for a first 'date'. That way there is little pressure.

I buy my own drink and I have her buy hers, after all she's independent anyways.

Sometimes if I cover it, they'll make up the next time. I do NOT take women out to expensive restaurants unless it was a serious relationship or a special occasion.

The last time I did, I asked her if she would buy my dinner and she said yes, so I decided to pay 90% of it at the end.

Keep the focus off of 'paying' for her attention or 'buying her time'. You have enough value yourself which matters.

She'll follow your lead and if she doesn't and expects a 4 star meal, have her find someone else she can dig gold with. It's up to you to let them know what kind of dating 'lifestyle' you lead.